Father and stepmother-to-be demand that 15-year-old sign a "family contract" to "accept" and be a part of their new blended family: 'Dad is creating a new family, just not my new family'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Nov 18, 2025 12:00 PM EST

You can't ever just demand that someone feel a certain way and have it be so. After a significant loss, especially the loss of a loved one, you might feel closed off to new relationships. In grieving, complex, confusing guilt can always show up in ways that you don't fully understand.

The last thing you want is to see everyone else moving on when you feel guilty about the thought of doing the same. Moving forward feels oddly similar to forgetting, and you'll find yourself avoiding or outright torpedoing any chance of doing so.

Regardless of what holdups someone might have, you can never just will someone else's feelings about something into existence. Demanding that they feel a certain way will only put pressure on them and make things even less likely to develop naturally.

Parent-child relationships naturally have a certain imbalance; the kids are, of course, expected to do what their parent says, but demanding that your kids sign a literal contract declaring their intention to be involved in the new family dynamic is not the way to go about it.

It's always tricky when it comes to step-parent relationships and blended families, but the best thing you can do is have a genuine interest in the kids and not try to "replace" their other parent or really parentify yourself at all, giving thing the time and space to develop naturally like they should.

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  • 01
    A young family with children stands together smiling
    via Allen Taylor

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to sign a "family contract" during my dad's wedding? My mom died 4 years ago and my dad's engaged to Anne. Their wedding is 3 months away and Anne has a 12 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. Dad has me (15m). Dad and Anne want this wedding to be the start of a new family life for all of us after loss because Anne's husband/her kids dad di d too. They see this as a happy new chapter and
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  • 03
    an exciting chance to grow the family or whatever. They want us to not only accept the wedding but to accept each other as family and commit to being close, loving each other, choosing each other and swearing we'll always be a family.
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  • 04
    Anne's son is excited about it. Her daughter is more wobbly about it. She feels guilty about wanting another dad and wanting us to be a family and there's a part of her that doesn't want it. She admitted this in therapy that we're all going to. I'm not excited. I accept my dad getting married. But I don't accept the rest of the stuff they want. I don't love Anne or her kids. I don't want another mom or mom figure to take on the role that mom should have. I don't want to commit to always being th
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  • 05
    This isn't exciting to me. It's sad. It's actually. It just reminds me mom isn't here and I'll never have my family back. To me this is dad creating a new family but not my new family. I told the therapist this. She wants this to be a discussion when the other kids aren't there but so far Anne doesn't want any sessions that don't include her kids.
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  • 06
    The contract was mentioned in therapy. Our therapist tried to discourage it but my dad and Anne said they want it to be more than just them but all of us. They asked us in therapy if we'd sign it and I said no. I was the only one. Anne's kids looked sad that I said no. Anne looked offended and really surprised and I don't think she realized someone could say no. My dad looked unhappy with me. But he didn't say anything. The therapist wanted us to talk some more and she asked again (5th time) if
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  • 07
    My dad wanted to know why I couldn't say yes for him and why I'm refusing to do something minor that would make everyone else happy. He told me one day in the future I'll be so glad I was open to doing it because we'll all be so close and it will be a nice reminder. AITA?
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  • 08
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a ple: I refused to sign a family contract thing at my dad's wedding and I know how much it means to my dad and his almost wife and her kids so I might be TA for refusing to sign it even if it's all just pretending on my part. It really isn't legally binding or anything so that part could also add to the case of me being AH.
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    NTA [deleted] My BIL and his second wife tried to do this when they got married and blended their families 10 years ago. The kids wanted no part of it, they didn't like each other, but the parents went ahead with the marriage and the "family contract" and stuff. Things never improved and now BIL is getting a divorce for the second time.
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    OP Radiant-Camera-474 Sounds like a big fighting waiting to happen when all the kids hate it and don't like each other.
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    [deleted] Absolutely. just to add my two cents, your dad shouldn't be calling this contract"a little thing". It's a big promise to feel and act in a way you can't right now, and may never be able to feel or act. It would be way worse for your step siblings if you did sign and then couldn't follow through. They're putting way too much pressure on you, too. Honestly it's possible that what they want you to do could happen, theoretically...but the more they try to force it, the less likely it is to
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    OP Radiant-Camera-474 Yep and I'm sure my dad and Anne's feelings would be hurt too if I did sign it and couldn't do any of it. Even without Anne's kids I could see it being a big deal to them but add the kids and I know it would be a huge deal. Especially if the kids feelings get hurt.
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    sour_lemons NTA. It's so sad that your dad and Anne are literally disregarding what both you and the therapist are trying to say to them - they cannot force you to have a relationship with Anne and her kids. If one grows organically, great, but forcing it will only build resentment and result in you pulling farther away. If this contract is really so "minor" then why is your dad and Anne so pushy about it? Clearly it's not minor to them nor should it be minor to you. Maybe tell your dad that if
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  • 14
    OP Radiant-Camera-474 They want it to happen so badly because they want us all to be on the same page about being a "family". They see signing that as us being willing to make sure we become a nuclear family and that we'll treat each other like we would a bio family. I don't know that my dad would agree to that. I think he'd make me say yes before even considering going against what Anne wanting everyone there and not leaving anyone out of therapy.
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  • 15
    dogfishfrostbite Anne refusing you individual therapy is a red f'n flag. You poor thing. She suuuuuucks.
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    OP Radiant-Camera-474 It's not the individual therapy she's against. It's me and dad getting therapy together or me, dad and her together. Solo therapy has already kinda happened because the therapist met with all of us a few times on our own.
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    Backgrounding-Cat She is forcing you to be honest in front of her kids and then she will complain that you are using family therapy as family therapy
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    OP Radiant-Camera-474 Yep and complaining that I hurt her kids feelings. Even though we have asked so many times to let the kids sit it out.
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    NTA. Dippiddy_Derpiddy I would tell Anne, "If it's so damn important, why can't she agree to therapy with just the 3 of you?" At least then you can get on a similar page of where everybody is coming from.
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    OP Radiant-Camera-474 To her the therapy is for the family and excluding some people is not family therapy.
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    [deleted] NTA. They want to force you all to be close, to be one happy family - and it's actually baffling to me that you all are in THERAPY together, discussing these issues, and your dad and anne are still insisting on this. It seems like the therapy isn't actually working. I feel like even if you went along with this just for the show, it would then be held over your head. "BUT YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT!!!!!!" anytime you do or say anything that isn't in line. with their vision of this perfectly
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  • 22
    OP Radiant-Camera-474 That's what I think would happen if I signed it but didn't follow it. My dad would always say how disappointed he is while Anne would say her kids don't deserve it.
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    Backgrounding-Cat Let's hope that they don't just put the contract in front of you at the wedding in hopes pressure makes you sign it. Anyway, What do you plan to do when you are 18? Move to grandma's and go to college? Move in with friends and go to vocational school? Military?
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  • 24
    OP Radiant-Camera-474 Move to my grandparents and train with my grandparents and aunt at the family business.
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  • 25
    NTA Conscious-Income-316 What happens if they divorce?
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  • 26
    OP Radiant-Camera-474 That's one of the things. It shouldn't change anything according to what they want us to promise.
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  • 27
    Content-Plenty-268 Oh, I see. Anne gets to say no to everything but is shocked that someone can say no to her. You are NTA. You are also a minor and as such can't sign any contracts. I understand that this is not a legally enforceable contract but just a gesture, but you can still demur and maybe offer to reconsider once you get to know them all better. I'm sorry you've lost your mom and now are being put through this. It's a lot for someone so young
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Babies family dynamics teens family drama stepmother aita AITAH infant wedding drama kids brother sibling rivalry teenagers blended family siblings stepchild moms family feud parenting wedding family pregnant reddit thread parent raising kids weddings Parenting Fail parents children
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